Once upon a time I had a friend.
A friend who told me that she could buy a pint of ice cream and score it in quarters with a knife and eat ONE QUARTER AT A TIME.
She told me that a pint would last her around a week.
The minute she confided this in me, deep down I knew she couldn’t be trusted.
I’d like to inform you that I just finished an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s [salted caramel core ] in less than half the time it’s taken my husband to take his shower. He’ll be thrilled when he reaches for dessert tomorrow…and finds nothing. No shame, no guilt…I’ll own it. YUP.
I’m sorry, but who in GOD’S NAME can eat a quarter of the following:
rAnd basically ANY type of frozen dairy dessert that comes in pint size, ETC…
AND THEN STOP?! HELLO..Isn’t that WHY they made Arctic Zero (which, bee tee duuuhhhbbbss….tastes like armpit) anyway?
Do us both a favor…don’t comment and tell me that you can section off a pint and eat it by portion, because I’ll judge you as a liar and we’ll have trust issues forever.
Let me end this post by saying that the girl who told me she could “score her ice cream” and eat ONE serving per sitting ended up dumping me as a friend because I lied to her and told her my husband didn’t go to the gym one morning when he really did to get me out of training with her (because I simply didn’t want to work out with her that day).
You guys. EAT THE ICE CREAM.
Let’s be real for a bit…while I’m feeling like a heifer anyway….
A pint of Ben & Jerry’s is basically a “medium sized” serving of Cold Stone, anyway, right? So, basically, what I just did is like going out for dessert, which is fine because I do that at restaurants all the time anyway. Totally normal. Plus, it’s Saturday, duh…need I say more? WE CAN EAT ALL THE THINGS AS LONG AS IT’S
my birthday, you’re birthday, a holiday, friday, saturday, sunday,monday, tuesday, HUMP DAAAAYYYYY, thursday, a bad day at work, a good day at work, you passed a test, you failed a test, you got dumped, you started a new relationship, you got fired, you started new job, you’re pregnant, you had a baby, you just got engaged, you just got married, you just got divorced, you just separated, you just got a spray tan, you just won the lotto it’s THE WEEKEND. Obviously, calories 100% DO NOT count on these days. I’ve warned you, I can justify anything.
Plus, I cycled for somewhere near three hours today….so yeah. Basically all calories are burnt off, like, immediately, right? Right. Yup, I’m just going to go with that.
Happy Saturday, friends!