40

Today is my husband’s 40th birthday!

Typically I would post a bunch of sweet pictures and say some nice things and XO out. And I love doing that I want to do that but today it wouldn’t be authentic.

So far, 40 is rough. We’ve had a tough time lately. What can I say, other than….we’re in rough waters. It’s nothing internal within our marriage, it’s the surrounds-it’s what’s happening in our lives right now and we’re realizing we need to readjust, refocus and CHANGE our dynamic to navigate through this. We’ve been coasting through smooth seas for almost a decade but smooth sailing doesn’t strengthen a relationship quite like getting through a rough patch does. We happen to be smack in the middle of a rough patch.

We’re trying to buy a house. We’ve been trying for about a year but the past few months shit’s gotten SERIOUS. And I’m not talking a starter house, I’m not even talking a forever home…I’m talking our DREAM home — but working our asses off, making changes and doing what we need to to make it happen. It’s more than a house hunt, it’s preparing for the next chapter — laying down the foundation, taking a long hard look at the life we’ve built together and overhauling it.

It sounds like it’d be fun times. Exciting. It’s stressful as FUCK. It’s scary. It’s so scary. It’s the reality that this is just the beginning …next comes (God willing) children, a family etc.

So a LOT is changing in our lives. Dan turned 40 today. I turned 28 in June. Because we’re married we are that this same crossroad of life but in our own separate, individual worlds we are very, very, VERY different. We are at two incredibly different places in our own respective lives

in so many aspects and at this point in time, it’s my turn and my place to make some changes and put in some serious work. However, being married, we’re in a partnership and what’s on me (or what’s on him) individually is on US.

So to say the least, it’s been stressful. It’s been emotional, it’s been draining. It’s been a lot of explosive fighting followed by reflecting on said fight, picking apart the issues, resolving them piece by piece by tiny fucking piece. And moving forward. Β It’s been a lot of “I need you to do this”, “I need you to not do this”, “this frustrates me” and finally a lot of “I’m sorry’s”, “I will work on that” and “this will take time…for the both of us”.

There are big, huge changes. Every day is a constant effort. We have to catch each other in our actions, break old habits, break out of complacency — and all while being nice to each other, being loving, being respectful and being able to still hold each other, comfort each other (because this shit is HARD) and fall asleep together because we WANT to. Yet also we’re trying to get a little more distant from each other (space is GOOD) and not be too dependent on one another in a bad way.

Marriage is work. It’s so much work and I thank God every night that we love each other, respect each other and actually LISTEN to each other. We are growing and right now it kind of hurts but growth is good.

So this is 40. His 40. Today has been consistent to what it’s been like lately — there were ups and downs. It’s a transitional time and a time of so many changes. I know we are strong enough to get through but it takes effort.

Marriage is work but I wouldn’t want to do this work with anyone else in the world. I love my husband to the moon and back and to be honest the challenges make me love him more. I hope this post isn’t upsetting or coming off like I’m bitching or complaining. I’m not. I’m so incredibly thankful for my life, my marriage, every single day. I’m grateful that these are our problems — that this is the worst of it. Buying a home. In no way do I take that for granted. In no way to I resent it. It’s an amazing thing that I’m so grateful we have the opportunity to do. We want the best for each other and ultimately for our future family. And to be honest, much as I give my husband shit for how much he worries and how far he thinks ahead–it’s one of the things I love the most about him. He cares SO MUCH. He wants so much for the people in his life that he loves and cares for.

So happy, happy birthday to an incredible man that I am so lucky to call my husband. There are no sappy pictures (although I did post some on Instagram..) or list of reasons why I love him (well, he did get that list in his card!) but there is honesty, pure love, undying loyalty and appreciation for everything he does evenΒ when we bicker.

Xoxo

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